hello heartbreak.

today, the one person I care about the most left me.

the one person, who knew how to make everything better - everything, happy.

******, I know you won't ever come back nor want me, for being absolute cling, wanting you to stay with me. but if you ever do get that feeling, if you ever miss me - gladly know I'll welcome you back into my open arms. though it'll hurt to see you with someone else if you move on, just know i'll always love you as I always have. don't forget you inspired me back to so many things i quit and failed upon and you taught me what it means to feel loved and most of all beautiful. I never want to replace nor lose sight of that. You'll always have a place in my heart, no matter if i'm not or am with someone. I could never forget you and would have a guilt if did, and until I find someone that will accept I still love you, if fate doesn't bring us back together - then will it be, I may move on.

nothing however, can replace the love you gave me. the sweetness, of first love - and its impact it had on me.

i'll admit I was in love with a girl, I was in love you. luckily, if God does bring us together though, it could stay that way.

I could still be in love with someone so suberb .. you.

I owe you so much thanks and apologies, and i'm sorry that you had to waste you time on little ol' me.

and though it pains me so hard to say this, here I go:

(to your next beloved)

to whom it may concern,

please take care of ******. treat her like the princess I never could, and promise to yourself, ******, and especially me you'll love her everyday of her life. promise, to stay true to her, and commit to her with all your heart and all your soul. she is an amazing girl, and you should be very lucky to have her. I know this isn't the greatest thing to be writing to you, me being her ex of the past, but as a plea - do take care of this truly gorgeous person whom is beautiful inside and out. give her the love, i promised, but could never finish giving - till' the day she takes her last breath. never leave her side, never regret her and never, ever break her heart. may the both of you live the most happiest life together.

love, Katrina ♥

dying day.

I started listening to one my favourite songs today. A really beautiful one named Dying Day by Gin Wigmore. It made me think how short life can be - how it can change so quickly, just as wind and the world around us does and how we need to accept it, and let ourselves just fly free, body and soul. To leave all of our cares behind when we die, and have thanks for a life lived and that it is now time to fly away.

It's scary, thinking we all have to die one day and then again hurtful, to the thought we are leaving so many of our loved ones and just wishing we could live forever to see everything. But we can't live forever, we can't watch the world grow or in this case our families, friends and people we love. So I say, make the most of life. Yeah, it's not as easy if your life is spiraling down and you feel as if no one loves you.. but think, in a years time you'll probably kick yourself for even thinking that. In fact, in the first place you should be trying to make your life better by not focusing on the worst side of things and instead, your future - not dwelling on the past. Imagine yourself as the person you always wanted to be and start making a difference. And when your old, and have seen all the glories of life, done as best you can for your future and so much more, you'll understand. You'll look back and wish how you could live longer, and wonder why you wasted time being depressed, when you could of been happy. Happy for the things that WILL happen, if you decide it, if YOU decide to make a difference ..

I can't really expand on this .. but bottom line is, never waste your life. Make every minute last, treasure them, remember the good memories and make new some new ones while you're at too. and don't take the people around you for granted, they don't live forever either. Remember this and when you're on your death bed, you can die with peace and a smile on your face (:

*asianhuggles* Katrina.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.” - Winnie The Pooh.

fact: you are loved.

it came to mind today, that LOVE (to me) is actually pretty enchanting.

it comes in many different ways, but nonetheless - it all boils down to the same thing.
that magical connection between two beings.

I know anyone who starts talking about love will start to sound lovey dovey ewness ..
but i'm not going to apologize for sounding like it if I do.

LOVE is amazing, and I would gladly lecture about it anyday.
pardon my optimism, but really. someone right now,
is thinking of you. someone right now has it in their mind that they love you.

think about it. shouldn't that make you feel happy ?
that someone out there cares for you, loves you so dearly, and would do anything for you ?
sure, it could be your best friend, a friend, a special someone or even someone
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN MET but are just destined to be..

do you feel it now ? (:

ima tell yal' a story gee. there once was this girl I knew right ? she had a bit of
a tough life and was just getting over the whole depression phase - even though
tbh, it was pretty fake. she didn't have very many friends at heart, since she'd lost them all,
when being someone who she wasn't, and treating others like they were lower than her.
she'd cry herself to sleep everynight thinking, no one in this whole entire world
would love her. that deep inside her was this emptiness, this hole in her heart.
and she'd often say to herself, why me ?
that pathetic sore loser, who had been too caught up in trying to be
some important b-tch .. was me. yeah, me.
it hurts to look back and think I was so stupid to ignore those around me when I was
in such a state. it's still overwhelming up till' now.

back to reality. ahem -

at first, I personally, never believed in love. I still find it difficult even now.
oh yeah sure, there's bound to be one out of zillions of people out there
just perfect for me. so how on EARTH will I find that person ?!
I thought to myself, perhaps it'll just be coincidence.
that I happen to be at same place and same time as that person
and that we'll met by chance. - and thats what it's about "chance".
infact, even life is about that too. it's about taking risks,
not fussing at home cutting ourselves when we're at our loneliest to feel something,
bother crying for someone to feel pity for you ON PURPOSE,
to betray someone for a stupid and reckless reason when you don't
think about how it pains the victim at the time,
or even think about wanting to kill yourself.
because once you attempt it, and your plan all comes together, you can't pick up the pieces
and come back. oh no my dear, that is IT. dead and gone is your future and well,
you ofcourse.

things do get hard, but love finds a way into your heart.
LOVE can change so much in a heartbeat *snaps fingers* just like that.
how long it takes for things like that to come along, will always depend, and unfortunately
it's not something we can buy off the shelf or take a dose of everyday.
it's something that comes from within, something only you can receive or give.

LOVE is unconditional, kind, sweet, forgiving and most of all - a blessing.
appreciate it, never take it for granted. If in this amount of time you've read this
I myself, would hope to think i've put a smile on your face at one point.
I could go on, but hmm. let's stop HERE eh ? farewell fellow people.

till' i write again, *asian huggle* Katrina (:

p.s. i'd just like to add, that in the time when everything was just building it's way back up for me, one person changed my life and we've been together for nearly two months now.
"******" you make me so happy. everyday with you is a blessing .. you saved me and picked me
like an angel. you brought be to heaven, and I never want to leave - I never want to go home.
I love you so much C:

My Ew Introdcution Chyeah ?

Well, here I am - wasting my life writing a blog.
I'd never taken too much thought into this whole idea of writing and such,
but hey, guess things change eh ? woah. I just rhymed (:

Hmm let's see. I'm Katrina. Need I say more ?

and the truth is, i'll always be chasing after myself.
I know that sounds a little hokey pokey but to me,
it's how i'll always see myself. I know personally that
i've never been able to find who I am - and for some reason
I intend to keep it that way. I'spose it's kinda harsh to admit
that sorta thing - but put it this way.

" It's good to not who I am yet, it'll give me time to experience and have adventures
with different sides of myself or at times to see how changeable I can be. "

And that's how I want people to define me, as someone
who can't really explain me into a word or even a few words,
since I can't really be put into a specific stereotype or whatever
you want to say really. I reckon now, if you're one of my friends
or someone who knows me reasonably well whos reading this, I bet you're thinking
HAH, this is so fake. Katrina is not like this at all. But for the record,
this is how I deeply feel about myself you motherfudger. So hmm,
dont be so judgemental yeah ? C:

I dont know why I kinda opened up to this fact, or especially over the internet.
I guess it's just one of those moods ya'no ? I'll be writing more jibba jabba
soon enough, it that interests anyone then i'm highly surprised aha.

See Yal' Later for the meantime.

- *asianhuggles* Katrina (: